Funny Quotes!

“I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.” -Charlie Sheen

“Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!” -Charlie Sheen

"I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars." -Charlie Sheen

"You can’t process me with a normal brain." -Charlie Sheen

“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ "It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.” -Charlie Sheen

"I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: Go." -Charlie Sheen

"Can't is the cancer of happening." -Charlie Sheen

“Wow. What does that mean? I’m bi-WINNING.” -Charlie Sheen

“I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.” -Charlie Sheen

“I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’.” -Charlie Sheen

“Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.” -Charlie Sheen

“It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.” -Charlie Sheen

“You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.” -Charlie Sheen

“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps." -Charlie Sheen

"I’m an F-18, bro.” -Charlie Sheen

“I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.” -Charlie Sheen

"I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." -Charlie Sheen

"I'm bi-winning." -Charlie Sheen

"There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.” -Charlie Sheen

"The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children." -Charlie Sheen

"The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.” -Charlie Sheen

"I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

"[CBS] picked a fight with a warlock." -Charlie Sheen

"If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently." -Charlie Sheen

"I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA." -Charlie Sheen

"C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm." -Charlie Sheen

"Bring me Dr. Clown shoes." -Charlie Sheen

Quotes!

As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what? -Charlie Sheen

Dad almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now, the biggest movie of his life. It doesn't make you want to jump into that business. -Charlie Sheen

Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever. -Charlie Sheen

Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course. -Charlie Sheen

I just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique. -Charlie Sheen

I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future. -Charlie Sheen

I knew if I got loaded I was going away for a while. People would say, Oh, you're just sober because you're on probation. -Charlie Sheen

I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill. -Charlie Sheen

I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point. -Charlie Sheen

I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last. -Charlie Sheen

I think I have a duty as a recovering guy to help, to make my knowledge of what I went through accessible. -Charlie Sheen

I think what drove me insane for a long time is feeling like I hadn't earned most of what I achieved because it came so fast. -Charlie Sheen

I try to be known more for my work than for anything else. -Charlie Sheen

I was with one at a time with the other four watching. It was a little uncomfortable, actually. I wouldn't recommend five at once. There's just not enough guy to go around. -Charlie Sheen

I've always been pretty old-fashioned. I'm kind of a missionary guy. I've got volumes on how not to behave. I've got more information now than a guy should have at my age. -Charlie Sheen

Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them. -Charlie Sheen

Slash sat me down at his house and said, You've got to clean up your act. You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you've got to get into rehab. -Charlie Sheen

Sure, I did a lot of things in excess. But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued, what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn't? -Charlie Sheen

That we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. -Charlie Sheen

The most damage I did was to myself and to the people who got caught in the maelstrom. The worst thing that happened was the overdose. But I didn't go in with three other dudes who overdosed with me. No, you overdose alone. -Charlie Sheen

The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it. -Charlie Sheen

There have to be more important things going on in the world than my past. -Charlie Sheen

There was a reason my first substantial role after rehab was to play a maniac whose personal story ended badly. I knew what it was like to go those dark places. I played a guy who died as a result of his abuse. -Charlie Sheen

Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn. -Charlie Sheen

Usually in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you're acting. -Charlie Sheen

What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class. My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn't save any money. -Charlie Sheen

What you come to discover is, it isn't how you get there, it's that you get there. If that's what it took to get me where I'm at today, so be it. -Charlie Sheen

When friends asked me, Can we help? I'd say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars. -Charlie Sheen